If you are married to a person who displays strong signs of narcissism, likely you will find yourself in a divorce proceeding at some point in your marriage. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition in which is diagnosed by evaluating the nine criteria enumerated by the DSM-5, the American Psychiatry Association’s manual regarding mental disorders. The criteria include: (1) inflated sense of self-importance; (2) preoccupation with power, brilliance, beauty or success; (3) belief they are “special” and “unique”; (4) desire to be admired excessively; (5) sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations; (6) Interpersonally exploitative; (7) Lacks empathy; (8) Arrogant; and (9) Envious of others or believes others are envious of them. Displaying only one of these characteristics does not necessarily make someone a narcissist, though it is not required that a person display all of these characteristics to be a narcissist either.
When divorcing someone with symptoms of narcissism, it is important to step back and ask yourself whether this person actually fits the criteria for NPD or whether you are viewing them in that manner due to your current relationship difficulties. You need to ask yourself whether you thought these things about this person BEFORE you underwent the breakdown in your marriage or relationship. If not, it is possible that you could be improperly classifying them due to the inherent bias that comes along with divorce. However, if you believe they have always displayed these patterns, and particularly, if other independent neutral parties also believe they demonstrate these behaviors, then it is likely, or at least very possible, that you are married to a narcissist.
Narcissists can make the divorce process more difficult than it needs to be. They can make it emotionally draining for you by gaslighting you, playing victim, and being persistent with their unreasonable expectations. They often think they are smarter than the professionals, including psychiatrists, attorneys, and even the judge, making settlement challenging. They also can prolong the divorce by continuing to fight battles that are effectively over. This can often leave you feeling hopeless and financially strained.
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