When Does my Child Get to Decide if they see their Dad/Mom: Understanding a Child’s Wishes in Illinois Divorce and Parenting Time Cases

 Posted on December 04, 2025 in Family Law

While parents navigate the challenging waters of divorce or separation, one of the most critical issues is determining parenting time—how much time a child spends with each parent. In Illinois, the law places primary emphasis on the child’s best interests when making these decisions, and one of the best interest factors is the child’s own wishes. However, the weight given to those wishes depends on the child’s age, maturity, and the reasons behind their preferences. Courts use specific methods, such as guardian ad litem (GAL) appointments and in camera interviews, to ascertain the child’s wishes. This blog explores how Illinois law considers a child’s preferences in parenting time disputes, particularly for older children, and the processes involved in ensuring those wishes are factored into the child’s best interests while balancing a parent’s right to unrestricted parenting time with their child.

The law contains a lengthy list of factors courts consider when determining a child or children’s best interests as to parenting time, including the child’s wishes, provided they are expressed with sufficient maturity and reasoning. While the statute does not set a specific age at which a child’s wishes carry more weight, courts generally give greater consideration to older children, typically those in their pre-teen or teenage years, such as 12 and above. This is because older children are presumed to have greater emotional and cognitive maturity, enabling them to articulate their preferences more clearly and make reasoned decisions about their living arrangements.

The rationale behind weighing older children’s wishes more heavily lies in their ability to understand the implications of their choices. For example, a 16-year-old may have a well-formed opinion about wanting to live primarily with one parent due to factors like school proximity, extracurricular activities, or emotional bonds. Courts recognize that forcing an older child to follow a parenting plan against their strongly held preferences could lead to resentment or strained family relationships. However, the child’s wishes are not controlling; they are just one factor among many, such as the parents’ mental and physical health, the child’s adjustment to home and school, and any history of abuse or neglect.

To ascertain a child’s wishes, Illinois courts employ several methods, ensuring the process is fair and minimizes pressure on the child. One common approach is appointing a GAL, a trained attorney or professional tasked with representing the child’s best interests. The GAL investigates by interviewing the child, parents, and other relevant individuals, such as teachers or counselors. They assess the child’s living environment, emotional well-being, and preferences, while also evaluating whether a parent may have influenced the child’s stated wishes. For instance, a GAL might determine if a child’s preference for one parent stems from genuine comfort or from one parent’s attempts to sway them, such as through gifts or negative comments about the other parent. The GAL then submits a report to the court with recommendations, which carry significant weight but are not necessarily controlling of the court.

Another method is the in-camera interview, where the judge speaks directly with the child in a private setting, typically in the judge’s chambers. This process is designed to create a safe, neutral space where the child can express their wishes without fear of upsetting either parent. The judge may ask about the child’s daily life, relationships with each parent, and reasons for their preferences. To protect the child’s privacy, these interviews are often conducted without the parents (and sometimes even their attorneys) present, though a court reporter will record the conversation. The judge evaluates the child’s maturity and the reasoning behind their wishes, ensuring the decision aligns with the child’s overall well-being.  It’s important to note that in-camera interviews are not for the purpose of gathering evidence or so the child feels that they are being heard, but rather solely for the purpose of ascertaining the child’s wishes.  If those wishes have already been conveyed by a GAL or stipulated to by the parties, then there should be no reason for an in-camera interview.

When considering a child’s preferences, courts and GALs must be cautious about potential parental influence. Children are impressionable, and a parent might intentionally or unintentionally pressure them to favor one parent. For example, a parent might disparage the other to the child or promise rewards to sway the child’s opinion.  More commonly, a child is aligned with one parent simply due to their closer relationship with that parent and thus they are indirectly influenced by the parent’s feelings toward the other.  Courts and GALs must strictly scrutinize whether the child’s wishes reflect genuine feelings or external manipulation. A mature teenager who articulates specific, logical reasons for their preference—such as wanting to stay in a familiar school district—is more likely to have their wishes respected than a younger child whose preference seems driven by a parent’s coaching.

A child, regardless of their age, who expresses no desire to see a parent at all, despite there being no credible abuse, needs to understand that their wishes are considered but that they do not make the decision.  Parents cannot enable the child(ren) to think that if they say they do not want to see a parent or refuse to go with the other parent that the court will allow this behavior.  In the situation with a mental health issue (parent or child), for example, where a child expresses severe depression or anxiety related to visits or threatens or engaged in self-harm related to parenting time, intervention of experienced and trained clinical professionals should be implemented.

The standard for restricting parenting time, which includes no overnights or no parenting time at all, is serious endangerment to the child, which is a high burden to meet.  Simply because there’s some anxiety surrounding visits or things a parent does that the child does not like, does not meet the burden of serious endangerment.  It may provide a basis to modify and limit time, but a complete bar of all parenting time not only is unlikely to resolve the child’s issues, but is inconsistent with the law.

In the difficult situation where a teenager is refusing to attend parenting time absent a serious endangerment, parents need to work with professionals to facilitate the time.  This may include reunification or family counseling, in addition to individual counseling.  Parents should implement rewards (screen time, picking where the visit occurs) or consequences (i.e. loss of cellular telephone privileges or driving privileges) for children who refuse to follow the court’s orders.  The goal is always to balance the child’s voice with their long-term well-being and not to allow the child to control the narrative.

Navigating parenting time disputes can be emotionally complex and legally intricate. Understanding how Illinois courts weigh a child’s wishes and the processes involved, such as GAL appointments and in camera interviews, is crucial for parents seeking the right outcome for their children. For personalized guidance, contact the experienced attorneys at Nagle & Giese, P.C. Visit our website at www.dupagedivorcelawyers.com or call 630-407-1200 to schedule a free 30-minute consultation. Our team is dedicated to helping you achieve a parenting plan that prioritizes your child’s best interests while addressing your unique family dynamics.